--Original published at The Core Techs
What does it take to become the best parent you can be? What does it take to raise a child or multiple children who grow up to live happy, healthy lives?
They say that in order to be a parent, you must first be a child. What does this mean? The answer is actually pretty simple – just put yourself in your child’s shoes! I am no parent, so I really don’t have much room to talk, but coming from a young adult’s perspective may provide an advantage.
I grew up as an adopted child. The nature vs. nurture debate seems to be a rather popular study among my life. Growing up, there are many things I appreciated that my adoptive parents did. One of the most important things they did for me was treat me like I belonged. I was adopted – I was not the same blood as my family. Sometimes, this can be devastating to find out for some children. Although this may be true, my parents always told me growing up about how special I was, and that it didn’t matter where I was from because I belonged here. Another important thing to consider is to not try to hide the fact that your child is adopted. My parents told me that I was adopted right from the beginning, and they probably started telling me before I even understood what it meant. Holding the truth back for a longer amount of time is going to hurt worse in the long run. It’s like pulling back the arrow farther and farther, and the more you pull it back, the more powerful and harmful the release is. As a parent, you must always be careful what you say; monkey-see, monkey-do. Children really are monkeys, and that is no doubt. If you curse frequently, your child will pick up on this. Kids are very quick and eager learners. Sometimes, they learn things a little too young and a little too fast. Often times, they do not realize the weight of the things they say or what they even mean for that matter. Setting a good example is one of the most important parts of being a parent. Being healthy is a crucial example to set. Teach your kids to eat and exercise properly. Teach them to be responsible, say please and thank you, and sleep well (bathing and brushing teeth is important too, unless, of course, you like the smell of a stinky breath and bad B.O.). All of the regular, everyday activities are essential to learn, but one of the most everyday activities is often far over-looked; to love.
Love is one of the biggest components. In order for children to grow up to reproduce, we must teach them not to be afraid of love. One of the first things a baby picks up on is the idea of a “mommy” and “daddy.” Automatically, children associate these two terms together. Right from the start, it seems obvious that mommy and daddy are in a little thing called love. As they grow up, they will watch everything you do, including how you treat your significant other. There is a great story about the love of a mother and her beliefs on teaching her child about what love should be;
A young couple gets married, being passionate, fiery, and adventurous. Their love was a bond that was impossible to separate. Every morning, the husband would carry his wife out of the bedroom in his arms. She giggled wildly as he dropped her off in the kitchen. Eventually, this couple had a baby. As the baby grew up, times got tougher. The couple would often find themselves arguing and picking little fights. The child was growing up fast, and soon he would notice that mom and dad were not as in love as they once were. The mother says to her husband, “Do you remember when you used to carry me out of the room in your arms each morning?” He replies, “Yeah, when we were actually in love.” The mother replies, “I need you to start doing that again. For our little boy. He needs to know what true love looks like.” It took some convincing, but eventually the father agreed. The boy laughed with joy every morning the father carried the mother out from the bedroom to the kitchen. One night, the husband told the wife that he would like a divorce, and although she did not want one, she agreed… Under one condition; “Up until the moment of our divorce, you must continue to carry me out of the bedroom smiling for our little boy,” she said. The man was hesitant, but caved in. As the days went by, the husband continued to pick up the wife and haul her to the kitchen. Memories flooded his brain, and a part deep inside of him grew sad that this had to end. As he picked her up, he began to notice her features more; She looked tired… Much more tired than her usual energetic self. He also noticed that she was loosing weight, almost to the point where he could feel her rib cage. How much had he missed? What had happened? The days passed, and the more he could feel himself falling in love again, watching as their little boy giggled hysterically. Why would he ever even think about giving this up? He marched upstairs to tell his wife that he would no longer like a divorce, but when he got upstairs, he walked in only to find her pale body lying lifelessly in bed with a note beside her. In the letter, she explained that she was diagnosed with cancer a while ago. They told her she only had a few more weeks to live, and she did not want anyone to grieve for her while she was still alive. She only wished for their little boy to know what true love was…
This story makes a very good point in saying “Don’t take life for granted,” but it also shows the true love of a mother with a young, growing child. So, although all the essential things, such as setting examples for your child on how they should eat, exercise, work, say please and thank you, and more, showing them how to love is what I believe is the most important. Hopefully, their future is filled with success, and he or she will grow up to have a beautiful spouse with beautiful children who also know what love is. May the tradition continue through the generations. Maybe someday the world will know peace.
What do you think is the correct way to approach parenting, Core Techs?
-B
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