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“Many couples who know their marriage is over will actually put off a divorce because they believe that it is better for the children if they stay together.” (Leamon). After reading over this statement and thinking about it, it makes sense that a couple could do this, but in many cases it’s the exact opposite. Divorces are mostly seen as negative events, but I believe that these events are positive more than negative.
Divorce can be seen as positive or negative depending on the information you’re seeking. A negative effect that takes place is that the children spend less time with each parent. No matter how the couples decided the time their child spends with each of them, the child is still losing time with both parents. Sam Bone from divorcemag.com explains this point by saying “Every minute that your spouse spends with your child is a minute that you will not get to spend with your child. Whether we like it or not, it is a zero-sum game. Regardless of whether you receive every other weekend, week-on week-off, your spouse receives every other weekend, or whatever arrangement you may have, it will be less than you had before.” (Bone). Sam also brings in a positive point about his by saying that if one spouse get their child during the weekend you don’t have them, that spouse can take that time to recharge their batteries and collect their thoughts so they’re ready the next time they have their child. Both parents could also come together for some events like holidays and birthdays so the child can see both parents together.
The site divorcemag.com gives people who need support with divorce. You can look for lawyers, mediators, and other information the couples might need who are going through this dilemma. Sam is also a creditable source for this information because he’s a lawyer who practices in the areas of divorce, custody, and criminal defense and he was also selected as one of the top 40 lawyers under 40 by the National Trial Lawyers Association in 2015. He’s has experience with this department and should be seen as creditable with this information.
The children could also feel insecure about certain things because of the divorce. Reinier Bloem from children-and-divorce.com states that “They do not understand the divorce very well. All they know is that everything will be different.” (Bloem). The children could also have many questions about this like will I be able to see my friends, did I contribute to the divorce, and will I live with my brothers and sisters in the future or will they live with the other parent? These could make the children gain more stress because like Bloem said, the children don’t fully understand the divorce and could make it seem like they caused the divorce. Aside from bring up the negative effects, Bloem also lists ways to lessen the blow the children could take. If the parents present a clear picture to the child of their future and do it proper and quick, the child could calm down and understand the situation better.
The site children-and-divorce.com can be used as a good source for information. It give the user of the site information like divorce statistics, explaining joint and child custody, and going into the psychology of the entire matter.
There are still more questions that parents who go through divorce and don’t have an idea what’s going to happen. Neil Farber from psychologytoday.com lists questions that parents ask about divorce, but the one I want to look at is “Is my child going to go through this alone? How common is divorce for children?” (Farber). The answer that Farber has to this question is as follows, “It is estimated that between 30-50% of children will experience parental divorce before they turn 18. So, it is likely that your child will know many children who either have gone, or are going through, a similar situation.” This is something to think about if you’re a parent who knows a child that’s going through this, or a parent who is going through divorce and want to makes sure their child understands what’s happening. When the question asks if their child has to go through this alone, Farber’s article answers this question, but Shawn Leamon from divorceandyourmoney.com offers more insight to this answer. Leamon says that divorces can lead to better relationships for the parents. Leamon says “Once you have released yourself from the confines of an unhappy marriage, you open yourself up to the possibility for a better mate.” (Leamon) This mainly talks about the parents, but the child can also make a stronger connection to the new parent their father/mother ends up finding. Leamon brings up a great point of how the children can see how making a new relationship is better after a divorce. He states ” Your children watch and learn from the decisions you make. They will see how ending a bad relationship and finding one that is healthier and better for you is worth it in the long run.” (Leamon) This is a great lesson to learn for the children. If they can see how the relationship isn’t right for them and can leave it before it gets worse, then they can improve their life by finding a new partner.
Psychologytoday.com offers a service that finds a therapist to help you with any issues that you need helped with. The author, Neil Farber, is creditable because he has BS degree with honors in Psychology and completed dual Doctorate degrees in Research and Medicine. Farber is also a certified life coach, personal trainer and hypnotherapist. Shawn Leamon is the host of the “Divorce and Your Money Podcast and has a MBA while being a part of the CDFA. The site divorceandyourmoney.com gives the user different things to ponder regarding the topic of divorce. The podcast is where to find the most information, but you can look through the blog posts to find the full transcripts of each episode.
With the information present, I can see that divorce can have negative effects on children, but there are also positive effects as well. The children may face stress and struggle with questions regarding the divorce itself, but with help from the parents these worries can lessen and the child can understand why all this happened and won’t end up blaming themselves for the reason their parents separated. With some couples these problems may not appear, but they still need to make sure their children understand why these events happened and to make sure they aren’t to blame for it all. With all this the children will be able to learn from this and make their own life better because of it.
Bloem, Reinier. “Children Negative Effects of Divorce.” Children and Divorce: Information, Tips and Real Life Stories for Divorced Parents., 2018, http://www.children-and-divorce.com/children-negative-effects-of-divorce.html.
Bone, Sam. “3 Negative Effects Divorce Can Have on Children.” Divorce Magazine, 18 Dec. 2017, http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/3-negative-effects-divorce-can-have-on-children/.
Farber , Neil. “Enhancing Positive Outcomes for Children of Divorce.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 30 Mar. 2018, http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-blame-game/201803/enhancing-positive-outcomes-children-divorce.
Leamon, Shawn. “Potential Positive Effects of Divorce on Children (It May Not All Be Bad News…).” Divorce and Your Money, Divorce and Your Money, 26 Nov. 2017, divorceandyourmoney.com/blogs/positive-effects-of-divorce-on-children/.