--Original published at Rachelsblog
Divorce has become a more common thing in the US over the past couple years, and the biggest debate on this topic is “Does it affect kids negatively or not at all?”. According to psychologytoday.com, their article “The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents”, states that it does affect kids. Although, it states that it affects kids differently depending on the age they are when their parents get divorced. It shows that it intensifies a Child’s dependence and accelerates an adolescents independence. The research also shows that in a young child who has divorced parents, they have a harder time trusting as they grow up. They see their parents, who they used to depend on for everything, act in an undependable way, because they are separated. This article also takes a look at the adolescent age of when parents get divorced. The adolescent ones tend to act more aggressively towards the divorce and try to live a separate life from their parents because they feel as their parents have failed to keep the family together.
In the next article I found, emeryondivorce.com, titled “How Divorce Affects Children”, states that kids with divorced parents are affected negatively by it, no matter the age, although it all depends on how the parents handle the divorce. Children are at a higher risk of having psychological and behavioral problems due to their parents divorce. Children tend to be extremely stressed and have trust issues seeing their parents love fail and their families break apart. The article also shows the other side to the argument though. If parents handle the divorce maturely and talk to their kids through the whole process, kids will become resilient to it. The parents who do a good job of managing the divorce, normally have children that will come out of the situation perfectly normal, just like kids who do not have divorced parents. Although some children end up alright, they still may have worries about their future relationships and they may still have some trust issues. They may always have the “ongoing worrying” behavior.
The next article, verywellfamily.com, titled “Psychological Effects of Divorce on Kids” agrees heavily with my first article mentioned in my blog. This article shows that kids are almost always affected negatively by divorce. Kids may not only be stressed out and upset that their parents are divorcing, but study shows that most kids feel as if it their fault and place the blame and stress on themselves. Young kids also struggle with the idea of why they must go back and forth from mom’s house to dad’s house, when at one point it was the same house for both of them, now its two separate. Some kids also act aggressively towards the divorce and favor one parent over the other, which creates an even bigger divisor in the parents. This article also assess the idea that children struggle long term with divorced parents. Their grades may slip, their behaviors will change, their own trust in their marriage slips, and when their parents go to get remarried they will tend to act differently towards the “step-parent”. This study summarizes the idea that children are better in houses of warm and comforting parents who are together, than in homes where the parents are constantly fighting and tensions are always high, which typically then ends up in divorce. This can cause many issues to the child mentally and sometimes physically in the present and the future.
The last article I found is in The Washington Post, titled “Divorce doesn’t always hurt the kids”. This article argues that children are not always affected by divorce. Children may have problems at home that even if the parents remained together, they would still be affected, for example, child abuse. This article also states that all children are different so they cannot be generalized. All children deal with the stress of divorce differently. If a child is really young, like an infant, they may not understand divorce. So when these children grow up, all they know is separated parents, they’ve never experienced their parents together. This article summarizes that parents really are the deciding factor on if their child is affected or not. If the parents do a good job with helping the child through the divorce, then they will hardly be affected and come out okay. If the parents make the child feel as if they are apart of the divorce and are constantly fighting in front of the child, it will affect them negatively.
Being a child with divorced parents, I take the side that it negatively affects the child. My parents divorced when I was 13, and they were constantly fighting in front of me and I felt as if the divorce was my fault for a little while. I watched my friends have full, happy families while mine was broken. Having to have split holidays and not knowing which parent I will spend the holiday with, has taken a toll. I have no other family members with divorced parents so being the only one in my extended family with has also taken a toll and affected me. Having divorced parents has not affected me in school, but has affected my trust issues and fears for my future relationships. Studies have also showed that some children develop a stronger relationship with one parent over the other after the divorce, and I find that that has happened in my life. Divorce takes a toll on each and every child differently, although I would never wish this life upon anyone, it has caused more stress in my life than when before my parents were divorced.