The “Right” Way to Parent

--Original published at Brittany's Thoughts

There are many different ways to parent your children. I would consider that the style my mother used on me was one of a “helicopter parent.” She always had asked me what was going on in school, if I had homework, put a lot of pressure on me to succeed academically and always had to know where I was and who I was with. I had friends growing up that had parents that didn’t really care what they did or how they were doing in school or even about going to their extracurricular events like music concerts and sports events, whereas my mother was always present at my concerts. As I see it, parenting is a balancing act in every aspect. The “Perfect” way to parent would be unachievable. I don’t have any children yet, nor do I want them before I am married and established in my career and financially, but I have an ideal way of how I would want to parent my children that could be called a “balanced” parenting technique.

First, you need to pay attention to your children, especially when they are doing appropriate things. They often act out to get your attention, and if you only pay attention to them for inappropriate behavior, then they will continue to do inappropriate things to get your attention. Second, technology should not do more of the parenting than you are. Using technology for educational purposes at home is something I really agree with , but you as the parent still need to educate them yourself and spend quality time with your children, teaching them, playing with them and just spending time with them.

Third, you need to be open-minded about the world and the things your children might do or be. If they cannot see that you are willing to be open-minded about their personal lives that is not deemed socially “normal” or has a stigma around it, they will not open up with you and trust you. Fourth, you do need to guide them. Give them advice when they ask for it because you have probably traveled that road before in life. Fifth, you have to let them make mistakes and get hurt. Lots of valuable learning comes from first-hand experience, and a part of life is making mistakes and getting hurt. Be there for them as a person to help them through those mistakes and pain and help them understand what had happened.

This last part is the hardest part for parents to deal with. Lastly, you need to let your children go when they’re ready. Holding on too tightly and sheltering them too much under prepares them for the world and it can make them resentful of you. They will come back for your guidance and love, so you will not be letting them go forever. Your parenting might even influence their parenting and make a chain reaction for generations to come.

Tiger moms and jellyfish dads are on the opposite sides of the parenting spectrum, one being incredibly strict and the other being laid back. The helicopter parent is on the stricter side of the spectrum as well. I find that my style of parenting is a balance in between both, taking aspects from both sides and incorporating them together to create the most ideal style of parenting.

First Impression Post Week 3

--Original published at Madison's Blog

Children in today’s society are brought up differently than I was, or even my fourteen year old sister was. Parenting styles have changed in the past few years due to new technologies and daily changes in society’s viewpoints. I believe my parents raised me well, and gave me the essential things I needed in life to be healthy and happy. They made sure I was always occupied with an activity, but it was never the television or anything of those sorts. I always had a coloring book, paint, Barbie Dolls, stuffed animals, and they kept me focused and let my imagination run wild. I was always playing games like house, chef, or I pretended to be a teacher and my stuffed animals were the students.  Parents should do more of this, because it allows children to play pretend, and strengthen their imaginative thoughts. My parents were not helicopter parents, they let me make my own decisions, but I always knew they expected me to behave. It was subtle, but they made sure I was a polite young lady and raised me to know what is right or wrong.

I believe parents now should not rely so much on the electronics and TV shows. Children need to have toys that they can play with, and create an imagination with. TV shows today are not focused towards young kids, and it can be a bad thing for their development. I also think it is a shame that babies can work smart phones better than I can sometimes. That is not typical, and they should be playing with a toy instead. Electronics have become a way of occupying a child for hours on end so the parent can walk away and not worry. I personally hate this, because I was never sat in front of the TV, my parents would always occupy me with something productive. I am a firm believer that the electronics are ruining the modern day world. Parents should watch their use of electronics in front of their kids, so they don’t portray that it is okay.

I believe helicopter parents make their children feel threatened, and make them feel like they can’t be themselves around them. Some of my friends from high school had hovering parents, and they even made me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I believe parents should be their kid’s friends, but more importantly be their children’s role model and someone who they can rely on. Children need structure in their lives, but not enough structure that they cannot be their own person due to an always watching parent. Being a friend is always a good thing, but I would rather someone I could look up to and talk to about my struggles in a parent. My parents can trust me now in my teenage years, because they know I am a responsible, trustworthy person. That person was a result of their great parenting styles. They didn’t hover over me, they just did their best to give me an imaginative life, without electronics and TV. I think their laid back, but persistent parenting style was perfect.

 

Parenting Approach

--Original published at Manda's College Blog

I am not the type of person that tells parents how to raise of their kids. I’ve been in a four year relationship with my boyfriend who has kids of his own, and I tend to look at how he and the mother raise the two kids (one is a teenager, and the other is preteen). I have been told that I tend to be critical at times, but it’s only due to their immature behavior that I have witnessed. I voice my opinion typically starting with “Well my parents would never let me get away with that.” or “My parents would do this and not this.” So I know the traits my parents taught me compared to my boyfriend as a parent is definitely a lot different. I would define my parenting skill as “tough-love”.

My definition of a great parent simply means not rewarding bad behavior. I tend to see parents these days know the bad behaviors the child does and respond by grounding them from tv but they still have their cellphone, or video games and can still go out, etc. Or they just slap them on the back of the hand and give them a lecture and no consequences were given. I have no idea how or why parenting has become so soft and full of fluffy love, and no form of the push to earn something or learn the hard way. I don’t think entertaining a toddler where they developmental stage is extremely significant at this stage is to place the iPad/tablet in front of them and the parent continue to do their own thing. Sure, theres a lot of educational shows out there, but watching tv and creating no type of hands on skill makes the child into a zombie. Reading books together, and having that child use their brain by learning the words.

With technology, kids should use video games and technology at the minimum. Creating rules and that sense of earning with having the chores done and then you can play video games. No tv or internet until you get your homework done. If you continue to get good grades, you can keep your cellphone. These types of rules teaches them how to be responsible and when you start teaching this early, it becomes second nature to them which they will take with as a adult. The helicopter parent is a extreme hovering chase, but I do agree to know where, who and what your kid is doing; because once a parent discovers something they don’t like, it can be taken care of quickly.

Another common parenting style is being the kids best friend. It’s personally one of the most common styles I see from the tv show, “Dr Phil”. Those parents who are their kids best friend tends over look the bad or just join them in their shenanigans. This is the result of where the tough love isn’t there. Tough love takes away the child’s right to try to control the respected adult, and just because they currently don’t see it that way, it is the parents job to show the child to see what them and their family are blessed with and how did the adults create such a fortunate life. By doing this continuously and for years to come, I believe the children will grow up to become very organized and responsible which contributes to being a positive member of society.

Week 3 First Impression Prompts – Development

Hand writing on a notebook

Regardless of which prompt you choose, please use the tag “Development” on your post. Here are the prompts for this week:

Option 1

Tiger moms, jellyfish dads, and helicopter parents. These terms all refer to various parenting styles and each has been both promoted as an ideal and criticized as “the problem with kids these days.” We will discuss parenting this week, but I’m curious what you think is the “best” way to parent. By “best” I mean most likely to produce children who grow up to be happy, healthy, and productive members of society. Write your post about the ideal way parents should raise their kids.

Option 2

While most developmental psychologists have focused on how we grow and change from birth to early adulthood, Erik Erikson was one of the first psychologists to put forth a theory of development that covered the entire lifespan. He divided the lifespan into 8 stages and in each stage he posited the primary challenge a person had to overcome for each stage. I want you to create your own 8-stage lifespan development theory (make sure to identify the age range for each stage) and identify what you think the main psychological challenge is for each stage. We’ll see how similar your ideas are to Erikson’s.

I look forward to seeing what you write!

Header image: CC by Flickr user Caitlinator
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Psych Extra Credit: “Miguel”-Caleb C

--Original published at Caleb C's College Blog

“Miguel has been struggling with his coursework lately. He has felt very tired in recent weeks and has found it difficult to focus on his studies. Even though he is always tired, he has trouble falling asleep at night, is irritable during the day, and picks fights with his roommates. He is a bit of a perfectionist and gets mad at himself when he makes even tiny mistakes. It’s gotten to the point where he doubts his ability to do anything right.”

Psychodynamic Perspective-  When looking at Miguel’s situation from this point of view, you have to analyze both his unconscious and conscious drives and how they work with his underlying feelings and emotions. With this, it looks like Miguel has been stressing out tremendously and finds it difficult to focus on his studies because he isn’t getting enough sleep due to his unconscious need to be a perfectionist which is then impacting his social life and consequently causing him to pick fights. What Miguel needs to do in order to start getting better is primarily get enough sleep, which will then change his attitude throughout the day, and also get some therapy for his major perfectionist tendencies which then negatively impact his health throw stress and forcing low self esteem.

Behavioral Perspective- From this perspective, you can analyze Miguel’s problems through his psychological patterns and observable behavior, and how this behavior may be causing mental conditioning. From his observable behavior, he isn’t sleeping much, is irritable and is picking fights. This all seems to then stem from his behavioral tendencies to be a perfectionist. And because he continues to be hard on himself for not being perfect, he gets frustrated and doubts himself.

 

Humanistic Approach- From this perspective we need to look at Miguel’s behavior from the eyes of the observer and look at Miguel as a whole. Looking at the hierarchy of needs, Miguel is not satisfying his basic psychological need of sleep which is one of the major foundational components of a healthy person. This causes him to stress and plays into all components of his life, impacting his feeling of safety and self esteem, thus not being able to reach self actualization.

Cognitive Approach- Looking at Miguel’s mental processes, we can see that he processes information through a very narrow approach, and he only accepts perfection. Because he cannot actually obtain this, it little by little impacts his mental health to the point where he breaks and cannot operate functionally seen through his anger and poor grades.

Neuroscience- From an evolutionary perspective we see that Miguel is driven solely through competition. This is in everyone for the need to survive is essential, and competition is seen throughout all species rooted in the desire to be better and survive easier. Though, Miguel has centered this feeling of competition into his everyday life and applied it to becoming a perfectionist. 

 

Cultural- From this perspective, we can evaluate Miguel’s health based on how his behavioral tendencies are rooted in his culture. In a society and age where kids are constantly told they need to be the best to succeed and are constantly pressured to be the greatest in order to have self worth and contribute to society, this seems to have become rooted into Miguel and he has taken ahold of the idea to be the best and applied his whole life to it. Because he keeps letting himself down, he then thinks he cannot be the best and questions his role as a person. 

Bonus Blog: Theoretical Lenses in Psychology

--Original published at Hope's PSY105 Blog

“Miguel has been struggling with his coursework lately. He has felt very tired in recent weeks and has found it difficult to focus on his studies. Even though he is always tired, he has trouble falling asleep at night, is irritable during the day, and picks fights with his roommates. He is a bit of a perfectionist and gets mad at himself when he makes even tiny mistakes. It’s gotten to the point where he doubts his ability to do anything right.”

From a psychodynamic perspective, Miguel seems to be struggling with an internal conflict.  If you were to ask Freud to do a psychoanalysis, he would say there was some unconscious desire that Miguel was unaware of in his conscious mind.  Freud might also suggest for Miguel to use therapy to help alleviate these wants and desires.

A behaviorist would look at Miguel’s habits outside of his studies.  They would observe things like where Miguel tries to study and how he does.  They would also observe when he studies to see if that has anything to do with him being tired.

The humanistic approach would look at Miguel’s freedom to choose.  They would focus on current environmental factors rather than previous factors.

When looking at it from a cognitive perspective, they would look at how Miguel processes the information he receives.  They would observe his self doubt as well.

Neuroscience would look at Miguel’s behavioral genetics and why he gets so upset when he makes small mistakes.  It would also look at why he is so irritable throughout the day.

Cultural psychology would look at his background and where he comes from.  There could be an underlying stress coming from his cultural background that is weighing on him.  This could contribute to the lack of sleep, the irritability during the day, the fights with his roommates, and the self doubt.

Life Through Theoretical Lenses

--Original published at The Core Techs

Miguel has been struggling with his coursework lately. He has felt very tired in recent weeks and has found it difficult to focus on his studies. Even though he is always tired, he has trouble falling asleep at night, is irritable during the day, and picks fights with his roommates. He is a bit of a perfectionist and gets mad at himself when he makes even tiny mistakes. It’s gotten to the point where he doubts his ability to do anything right.

What’s wrong with Miguel? Well, according to psychology and its different theories for explaining behavior and mental processes, we may be able to help diagnosis him, and form a solution from there.

There are many different theoretical perspectives in psychology, but we are going to use these six to diagnose Miguel: the psychodynamic, behavioral, humanistic, cognitive, neuroscience, and cultural perspectives.

Life through the theoretical lenses of psychodynamic perspectives explain that human behavior is the result of underlying wants and conflicts. A lot of underlying desires, according to Freud, often relate to sex. In Miguel’s case, it is very possible that he cannot concentrate on his studies or sleep at night although he is tired, because his brain is engaged in unconscious sexual activity. It is also possible that he is irritable and picking arguments with people because perhaps those that he is angered by are friends with the one he is thinking of. Although this is a possibility, there could also be the chance that besides sexual activity, Miguel could be struggling with jealousy. He could be angry that he is not more similar to the people that he unconsciously wishes to be like. If he does not do things exactly as those other people do, this could frustrate him even more. There could be many other potential underlying or unconscious drives that are causing Miguel to act in such ways.

If we are seeing life through the lens of behavioral perspectives, everything tends to be influenced by genetics and who we are as human beings. For example, if Miguel’s parents were easily irritable or had problems falling asleep, there is the chance that the disorder could be passed down to their offspring. There is also the possibility that OCD or other perfectionist-like genes have been passed down through Miguel’s ancestors.

If you look through the lens of the humanistic theory, you might as well just be looking at yourself through the mirror. This theory is largely focused on how people perceive themselves. Miguel could have been struggling with his coursework because he did not have faith in himself to do it. He also may not have been getting sleep at night although he was tired because he was up, thinking about what he did in a previous situation, and what he wishes he could have done. Because he does not have faith in himself, he could dislike his own image, and see his reflection as someone nasty. Perhaps this is why he acts rudely towards others. He may also want to view himself as perfect, but simply discovers flaws in his work and nearly everything else he does, causing him to lose hope in almost every aspect of life.

The cognitive theory is all about how we process and analyze things mentally. If Miguel sees someone’s face and views it as a threat (such as the typical snarl or glare), he could begin to pick fights with them or automatically dislike them every time they pass. Cognitive theories also have a lot to do with reasoning. It is possible that Miguel has previous facts or rumors about these people that lead him to believe they are bullies. Maybe he remembers something negative they did to him in the past…

Looking at the neuroscience perspective, everything has to do with enabling emotions, memories, and other sensory experiences. In Miguel’s case, he may have been doing so poorly with his coursework because of having a negative outlook on life. His thoughts could have been something along the lines of “I hate school,” or “This is the worst subject in the world!” Because of having such a pessimistic attitude, it makes him quick to jump to short-tempered responses. He could be very emotional and sensitive to certain stimuli. It’s possible that these stimuli bring up bad memories or give him bad feelings. The neuroscience theory really has to do with how a person feels specifically about life.

Last, but not least, the cultural perspective could be heavily influencing Miguel. Many teens and other students (especially here in America) tend to have very negative thoughts about school. If you like school, you’re seen as a nerd. Culturally, this term is not necessarily a positive one either. Because of this, Miguel has been influenced to dislike education automatically due to stereotypes in his culture. Sometimes, putting other people down and being mean is a way to make yourself seem bigger and better than others. Perhaps this is why Miguel would always be frustrated and short-tempered. Going to bed early also makes teens seem like “losers.” Staying up until the early hours of the morning can determine whether a student is “cool” or not. Culture influences are huge, especially with Miguel being a current student.

After diagnosing Miguel from many different theories and perspectives, it is now easier to combine information and come up with a recovery or assistance plan. Each of these perspectives combined give more possibilities, and therefore, more widespread ideas for nourishing one back to health. Because of having more options, it allows Miguel to be more flexible, and have more chances to recover. Without one of these theories, certain ideas may not have been developed. Clearly, each theory of psychology, no matter which lens one is looking through, must come together to form the best outcomes.

Which theory do you think is the most accurate and heavily used in today’s world, Core Techs?

-B

Psychology1

studiousguy.com

Theoretical Lenses in Psychology

--Original published at Rachel's Blog

“Miguel has been struggling with his coursework lately.  He has felt very tired in recent weeks and has found it difficult to focus on his studies.  Even though he is always tired, he has trouble falling asleep at night, is irritable during the day, and picks fights with his roommates.  He is a bit of a perfectionist and gets mad at himself when he makes even tiny mistakes.  It’s gotten to the point where he doubts his ability to do anything right.”

From a psychodynamic perspective, Freud would describe his behaviors as being based on his unconscious desires, which are drives that cause him to have his needs met.  This could be explained because he is a perfectionist, so he wants to get everything correct.  With this being said, it relates to him being tired because he is probably making sure each home work assignment is completed to the best it can be.

From the behavioral perspective, it is believed that the focus should be only on observable behavior.  This is because behavior can be monitored and thoughts/feelings can not be measured directly.  From this, a behavioral psychologist could focus on how he has trouble falling asleep at night, is irritable during the day, and picks fights with his roommate.  All of these behaviors could be observed and possibly corrected because people can see that this is how he acts daily, and maybe they could help him find the cause of his problems.

The humanistic perspective is focused around personal growth and what each individual perceives.  In Miguel’s situation, he is feeling tired and is finding it difficult to focus on school.  Since he is a perfectionist, he should be willing to set goals for himself in order to succeed.

From the cognitive perspective, this area is focused on how people solve problems, think, and process information.  Miguel is starting to doubt his ability to do anything correctly.  He should be focused on his conscious thoughts and tell himself that he can do anything he sets his mind to .

The neuroscience perspective focuses on behavioral genetics and evolutionary psychology.  Since this talks about the genetic impacts on mental illness, maybe he is depressed about a certain situation.  This can be explained because he is always irritable during the day and he doubts his abilities.

The cultural perspective could be explained by how metal processes and behaviors vary across cultures.  Maybe Miguel is from a culture where he thinks he has to do everything perfectly, but in a different culture it is acceptable if you do not get something correct.

Bonus

--Original published at CurtisCollegeBlog

Psychodynamically, the unconscious part of his brain wants to succeed. He wants  everything to be perfect, and that has shaped his behavior over his life span. Most likely he has been repressing his feelings lately, but now he is just letting it loose on his roommates.

Behaviorally, he has learned to be a perfectionist over the past, and that’s now part of his behavior. Perfectionism is generally triggered by the constant success of some one. Once he started doing well, he became accustomed to it.

Humanistically, perfectionism can be viewed as a strength of  Miguel’s. At the same time viewing it this way, what ever his roommates did to make him pick a fight, they wrong for doing it.

Cognitively, he has been irritable and depressed, but that stems from the negativity of the world. Or you could say that it comes from the negativity from his roommates.

Biologically, he could have possibly gotten some of his traits from his genetics. Something like perfectionism is learned and developed. Or even anger issues could quite possibly have been passed on.

Culturally, his life has been formed around being successful and perfect. That’s how his life has been shaped around that culture, that could have possibly been developed by a parent or someone close.

Theoretical Lenses in Psychology

--Original published at Melissa's Blog

“Miguel has been struggling with his coursework lately. He has felt very tired in recent weeks and has found it difficult to focus on his studies. Even though he is always tired, he has trouble falling asleep at night, is irritable during the day, and picks fights with his roommates. He is a bit of a perfectionist and gets mad at himself when he makes even tiny mistakes. It’s gotten to the point where he doubts his ability to do anything right.”

From a psychodynamic perspective, Miguel is suffering from an internal issue with his unconscious mind. The underlying issue is his unconscious desire to be perfect, which is causing him to experience negative behaviors, such as being irritable and not sleeping. This is plausible because Miguel’s internal battle to be perfect could explain his unusual actions and personality.

From a behavioral perspective, the observable behaviors Miguel is experiencing are: a lack of focus on school work, the inability to sleep, and mood swings. Since Miguel is a perfectionist he has developed a learned behavior, being too hard on himself, which is causing him to act out. His desire to be perfect is fueling his negative actions and is preventing him from focusing, sleeping, and getting along with his roommate.

From a humanistic lens, Miguel needs to focus less on his imperfections and hardships, and more on his strengths. Miguel is experiencing a condition of worth, a condition people think they must meet in order to be accepted by themselves and others. Miguel’s condition of worth is being a perfectionist because he doesn’t accept or take care of himself unless he feels that he is perfect. A humanistic psychologist would help Miguel realize all the great qualities he possess, and that he can free himself of perfectionism.

One of the aspects of cognitive psychology is the importance of mental processes in how people process information, solve problems, think, and make decisions. In Miguel’s situation, he is struggling with processing how to maintain a balance between his schoolwork and sleep, while still being perfect. Instead of having positive problem solving skills he looses focus and becomes irritable, and then makes the decision to lash out at his roommate.

From a neuroscience lens Miguel’s negative behaviors and feelings are occurring because of biological impacts. When evaluating Miguel, neuroscience psychologists would consider behavioral genetics and evolutionary psychology. They might realize that Miguel is going through these obstacles because mental illnesses, such as anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and mood disorders, are prevalent in his family. If this is the case, Miguel could have a chemical or neurotransmitter imbalance in his brain that is causing him to be tried, irritable, and to be fixated on being perfect.

From a cultural perspective, Miguel could be obsessing over being a perfectionist because of his ethnicity and beliefs. In his culture, he could be held to high standards, in which he is expected to be successful, especially in regards to academics. Thus, his cultural responsibility could explain why he is so stressed, pressured, and has low self-confidence.