--Original published at CurtisCollegeBlog

In the United States, about half of the marriages end via divorce. A divorce is reported to happen around 2,400 times a day just in the U.S. Every divorce has resulting affects on other people involved or around the marriage. So, divorces will certainly affect the children of the marriage. For instance, in the same place I found the statistic above I found one saying if your parents are happily married, you are less likely to get a divorce. Also, half of all American children will witness the divorce of their parents. Will that divorce have a long-lasting affect on the kids in a largely negative way or not?

The most common assumption of divorce is that it destroys children in unparalleled ways. It’s said that it sets a terrible example for how kids should love, and it leaves damage to them to believe their parents don’t love them. It’s also been brought along that children have physiological damage to their health. A cross-sectional study (a study across different age groups) of divorced and intact families was brought to attention. They used over 450 kids out of these select types of families from ages 2 – 18 years of age. They showed that children of separated families are twice as likely to develop problems with their stomachs, private parts, skin, and brains. The cause is supposed to be caused by the stress of the divorce. Researchers said not even the divorce is the problem, the problem is how the parents handle the divorce. Another article said there are 2 reasons why a divorce can harm children. 1 reason is because there is said to be fewer resources for the kids. Generally, there is less income coming in, and less of a support system because there may be less contact with one parent. Most single parents tend to become more authoritarian (they will make rules and expect you to obey to the fullest) or permissive (they tend to make few demands/punishments and are more laid back). The other reason is that kids view the divorce differently than the parents. Kids often become confused and feel like the separation is almost their fault. Especially if the parents seem to get along after the split, a kid may think that parents couldn’t handle the child together causing the divorce. Usually this type of confusion will result in the kids falling into a depressive state.

There’s many places that totally disagree with that last paragraph. They’d say divorce doesn’t have as bad of an effect as the other side says. The one article that told of the health problems of divorced kids also gave an example of why divorce doesn’t totally harm a kid. In this small rebuttal, it said the stress of divorce doesn’t show any change in breathing, heart, or muscular issues. There was no increased risk for allergies, hearing, or sight problems. Other articles say a bad divorce teaches kids; it teaches them what not to do when they are older. They said there are classes that parents can take to show them how to handle their kids through a divorce. This is coming from another article that says a good divorce is better than a bad marriage for kids. They say it’s the fighting between parents that’s bad, not the separation of the parents. 2 argument free homes, is better than one filled with violence and bickering. The divorce and agreement of 2 parents separating, help children learn the matter of compromise. In 2002, a psychologist from the University of Virginia found that many children who recently go through a divorce experience only short term negative effects. They develop anxiety, anger, and disbelief and a majority of those children get rid of those symptoms between the 1^st two years. Divorce generally doesn’t have a long-term effect on children.

Me personally, I agree with the latter of the two arguments that I displayed. I think divorces do hurt children, especially the fighting within, but it’s how you deal with them that leaves the impact. One of my best friends growing up had to deal with the divorce of his parents, and of course that made him sad. I think he often felt lonely, even though he still had both of his parents, his 4 siblings, and all of his friends. His dad owned 5 McDonald’s franchises, so he often would cope with his pain by eating it away, this resulted in a significant weight gain. Fast forward, he turned into a normal guy for the most part, he lost a lot of weight gained by aforementioned eating. He was on the high school tennis team, had a lot of friends, and is currently attending Drexel University. I think at times he still feels lonely, like it seems as if he would disconnect from our friend group for certain periods of time. I think he is just an emotional guy though, whether that’s a direct result of his parents’ divorce, I’m not sure. I just know for the most part he turned out well even though he had to deal with his parents’ divorce.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/kids-divorce-risk-health-issues-study-article-1.3192778

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/21474430/ns/health-childrens_health/t/divorce-doesnt-have-destroy-kids/#.Wo4OMqjwa00

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/brette-sember/why-a-good-divorce-is-better-than-a-bad-marriage-for-kids_b_6925236.html

https://ifstudies.org/blog/when-and-why-divorce-hurts-kids

--Original published at Sidney's college blogs

Divorce was always frowned upon for a very long time. It was not until recent years that divorce has become more and more common. Families used to stick together because it was the right thing to do, or because they wanted to ensure their children of a normal childhood. Does an unhappy marriage guarantee a normal childhood though? Are children better off with their parents separated? Or does divorce leave children damaged and broken? There has always been controversy over these types of questions. In this first spotlight blog, I will talk about both the negative and the positive effects divorce can have on children.

From FamilyMeans, there is an article called What Are the Effects of Divorce on Children? This article understands that children react and respond in various ways. Not all children are going to react in an understanding way in response to the divorce, but not all children will be defiant in reaction to it either. Each child will react in a different way than others will. This article compiles a variation of negative responses that are common from children who have experience their parents going through a divorce. The major negative responses that are listed are poor academic performance, loss of social activity, difficult adaptability to change, sensitive to emotions, anger and irritability, guilt, destructive behavior, health problems, and a loss in faith for marriages and families.

The FamilyMeans elaborates on each of these negative responses from children. Divorce changes the child’s whole life. They will likely think about it a lot and try to understand it all. This leaves the child distracted and interrupts their focus. This leads to poorer academic performance. They are unable to fully focus due to the distraction. During this time, they may experience a difficult time relating to others. They may feel singled out and as if they are the only one who has gone through this. These feelings can result in a lack of sociability. The newness of the situation can cause an adaptability problem for children as well. They may have to learn a new house, a new school, new friends, and many other things may affect the child to have a hard time adapting to different situations. Through this time, they need an outlet to talk to. The emotions of it all can build up, making them emotionally sensitive. When they can not find an outlet to release these feelings to, it can result in a build up of anger and irritability. They may take the anger out on their parents, themselves, friends, and others. Although it may only be temporary, sometimes the anger stays with them for a long period of time, affecting them as whole. Some children may develop guilt due to their inability to understand why the divorce took place. They often place the blame on themselves, and the guilt builds up. If the guilt continues after a long period; depression, stress, and other health problems can arise. This ties into the increase of health problems. The stressful time can take a toll on children. They may lie awake at night due to a difficulty sleeping because of their stress. This lack of sleep can lead to a weakened immune system, making them more susceptible to getting sick. Other psychological problems may arise as well. If conflict is left unresolved, children are likely to rebel in destructive ways. This can lead to abused drug use later in life or addiction. FamilyMeans reports that research shows that children who experience divorce are likely to divorce their spouse later in life as well.

I found this article from FamilyMeans of great use due to the credibility it holds. Within each section, they have links that lead to a study done to support the information they provided. To emphasize the negative effects that divorce has on children, I gathered information from Darthmouth. The article from their website is Risk and Resilience in Children Coping with Divorce. Many topics that were discussed in the FamilyMeans article are also discussed within the Dartmouth article.

A topic that has not been discussed previously is the financial aspect of a divorce. The family may need to move to a less expensive area, making the school weaker for their academics. Although not always detrimental, the lesser income can influence children in indirect ways. Another topic emphasized within this article is the toll that remarriage and re-partnering can have on children. When the parent starts seeing someone who does not share the same biological ties, children are resilient to form a bond with the stepparent. Children may internalize behaviors, such as anxiety, depression, and low sociability. They may also experience externalized behaviors, such as aggression, defiant behavior, and low self-regulation. Just as the article from FamilyMeans, this article also recognizes that children can develop into stable adults, but it also acknowledges that there are common difficulties that children face throughout the divorce process. I found that this was a credible source due to it being a journal of science. There are numerous studies and articles about various topics on this site.

Although there have been many negative views on divorce, there are also people who believe that divorce can be beneficial for children. The article, 8 Ways Your Children Can Benefit from Divorce from SurvivingDivorce, claims that the negative aspects of divorce are the only things that are focused on. This article acknowledges that divorce is going to be hard and it will be an adjustment, but the divorce can be a positive thing. Children are often caught in the middle of a high conflict marriage. They constantly see the lack of respect and they benefit when they are no longer put in the situation. They no longer have to take sides and be put in uncomfortable situations within the fighting. If parents are open with their disapproval of each other and that the marriage is just not working, the divorce can bring relief to children. Being away from the hostility can benefit them, rather than keeping them in an unstable environment. When the parents are able to remain civil with each other and maintain a positive relationship, the children are able to see the maturity and look up to that. They respect the way their parents handle the situation, and they learn that relationships can be saved even when you are no longer together. Another way the child may benefit is by getting the proper parenting they should be getting. If the parents are consumed in fighting with each other and fighting, then the child is often left in neglect of proper love and care. When they divorce, the parent is then able to love and care for their children properly again. The parent may also cherish that time with their children more. Normally there is split custody, so they value the time they have with them more. This values time with them can create a stronger one-on-one bond between the child and parent. In the negative aspects of divorce, the idea of remarrying and cohabiting with someone else was an issue. In this article, it brings the positive that they may gain the sibling they always wanted. They will have more extended family to lean on and get to know. It also took a positive look at moving into a new house. The new house can bring the opportunity for the child to make many new friends.

If the child is older and has younger siblings, they can take on a role of maturity and responsibility. They often feel as though they need to take care of the younger siblings and make sure that they are okay. This enhances their strength and responsibility at a young age. The last point that SurvivingDivorce makes is that the children may have a better understanding of life. They may be more tolerant, caring, and helpful because of the situation they went through. Without this hardship, they may have never learned to be so mature and take such responsibility. I found this to be a credible source because it is a source from a divorce coach. There are many articles regarding divorce on this website. To reinforce the ways divorce can influence children positively, I gathered information from the article Benefits of Divorce for Children from TotalDivorce. This source is from a factual website about divorce. It gives the laws of divorce, lawyers to contact, child custody and support, and what to expect after the divorce. It also gives links within the article to the study that they took this information from.

The TotalDivorce article has a few points that were not mentioned within the article in SurvivingDivorce. Children who experience their parents getting a divorce often have better communication skills. They learn to communicate between each parent with deadlines and events. The changing between houses also enforces organizational skills. They may need to know which different bus to take home a certain day, and which clothes and books they need to pack. They may also have better time management skills. It ties into the organizational skills that they develop. They know when they are going to be with which parent. This will influence their motivation to get things done, such as assignments. The last positive point that this article brings is that the children will develop good relationship building skills. They meet and get to know people due to their parents meeting others. They learn this skill at an early age rather than later in life as most people do. It teaches them how to adapt in various ways and builds them as a whole.

Overall, I believe that both sides have reasonable arguments. However, I agree that divorce has mostly negative effects on children. Although it was looked at as positive for children to be mature and responsible, I believe that it pushes the children out of their adolescence. They should not have to take on the responsibilities that they are taking when their parents get a divorce. I feel that they are forced to grow up way too soon. I do not think that if a child experiences a divorce that they will be forever damaged and unhappy, but I do believe that it leaves lasting hardships on the child. The constant bickering and fighting may be strenuous to the child, and the divorce may ease that, but the other factors of the divorce may over ride that and cause more harm on the child. Although I can see how some may take these positive outlooks as plausible, I do not agree that divorce truly has positive outcomes on children.

Resources

1. https://www.familymeans.org/effects-of-divorce-on-children.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Youth%20Development&utm_content=082017Happy&utm_keyword=effects%20of%20divorce%20on%20children&gclid=Cj0KCQiAzrTUBRCnARIsAL0mqczMCHmot7PnGjXhQPX6gu3eF4QYr4UZ9ucYMBMWNaoN7x6T3fZthIsaAo8JEALw_wcB
2. http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/2010/05/risk-and-resilience-in-children-coping-with-parental-divorce/#.Wo7dPqjwZPZ
3. http://www.totaldivorce.com/after-divorce/parenting/divorce-benefits-for-children.aspx
4. http://survivingdivorce.co.uk/8-ways-your-cht-from-divorce/

--Original published at Melissa's Blog

Today, divorce is becoming extremely prevalent. Marriages are crumbling at an accelerated rate compared to the past. Some may argue that the influx in divorce rates is occurring due to laziness and a lack of effort from couples. Contrary, divorce is necessary when marriages are toxic. Divorce is a challenging and emotional journey for couples and becomes much more complex when children are involved. Some argue that divorce has lifelong negative effects on children, while others contend that children are only affected for a brief period and successfully adapt to their new situation.

Following that, Dr. Shoshana Bennett is an example of someone who argues that divorce can have positive effects on children. Dr. Bennett communicates this belief in her article “Divorce And Kids: 5 Ways Divorce Benefits Kids,” published on the Huffington Post. Dr. Bennett is trustworthy because she is a licensed psychologist, has been practicing for 25 years, and has authored several articles and videos regarding divorce. One argument is that children will thrive after divorce because both parents will be happy again. Correspondingly, when parents split they are less likely to fight and children will be more relaxed and at ease. Bennett also addresses a common concern many parents face: staying in an unfit marriage for the sake of their children. Children, however, are fully aware of their parent’s unhappiness, and feel guilty and blame themselves for their parents’ despondent behavior. Instead, parents should flee their unhealthy marriages to teach their children to take control of negative situations and protect themselves. Additionally, Bennett says, when parents share custody, children will form close-knit relationships with both parents because they spend individualized time with them. In this circumstance, both parents will nurture and provide for their children. Bennett’s final point is that children benefit from seeing their parents prosper as an individual or with another partner.

Hal Arkowitz Scott O. Lilienfeld cite scientific studies to support their claim that the negative effects of divorce are short-term. Hal Arkowitz has a PhD in psychology, is a retired associate professor, and is currently involved in a clinical-research project. Scott O. Lilienfeld is also credible because he has a PhD in clinical psychology, was an associate professor, researches personality disorders and traits, and is involved in multiple research projects. Arkowitz and Lilienfeld’s article “Is Divorce Bad for Children?” published in Scientific America, discusses how to prevent divorce from negatively impacting children. The co-authors cite a study’s claim that children initially experience anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief, which typically subside within two years after divorce. Another study revealed insignificant variations in emotional, academic, and social behaviors between children from divorced and intact families. A study also showed that children’s reactions to divorce were correlated with their parents’ relationship. If parents who appeared happy got a divorce, then children were confused and negatively affected. When parents in obvious unhealthy marriages split, the children were relieved. The authors argue that parents’ behaviors before and after divorce influences how children are affected. The only notable result showed that young adults from divorced parents experience more difficulty forming and sustaining relationships. Therefore, Arkowitz and Lilienfeld conclude that children of divorced parents tend to adjust well.

On the other hand, Ilana Simons wrote the article “Children of Divorce are Good Actors” to express her claim that divorce negatively effects children. Simons is reliable because she earned a PhD in literature and psychology and has her own private practice. Simons argues that children of divorced parents are living two different lives, one with mom and another with dad. She shares of a young boy who unconsciously changes his identity, his emotions and personality, to satisfy and agree with each parents’ perspective of the divorce. The boy struggles with drastic, confusing mood swings. Simons references the term split existence, from Elizabeth Marquardt’s book, to describe how children are unconsciously pressured to keep secrets from the other parent and worry about resembling one parent too much. In addition, these children unintentionally formulate their own morals when both households’ rules conflict. Thus, Simons argues that divorce has negative effects because children change themselves by behaving differently with each parent.

Likewise, Carl E. Pickhardt’s article, “The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents,” explains how children and adolescents are negatively affected by divorce. Pickhardt is credible because he has a PhD in psychology, works in private counseling, is a member of the American and Texas Psychological Associations, and has participated in televised interviews about family life. Pickhardt argues that children become more dependent on their parents and adolescents more independent after divorce. Overly dependent children lose trust in their parents, are conflicted with unfamiliarity and uncertainty from the onset of another household, and experience separation anxiety because they are always away from one parent. Pickhardt opposes the argument that parents should celebrate special events together because it gives children false hope of their parents remarrying. Additionally, divorce can result in an increase in negative behaviors, such as bedwetting, crying at bedtime, and tantrums. According to Pickhardt, adolescents tend to rebel and disregard rules after divorce, as revenge on their parents. To conclude, Pickhardt argues that it is common for children and adolescence to be negatively affected by their parents’ divorce.

I have mixed feelings on this conflicting topic because I am a child of divorce. Although I agree with claims made by the authors who find positivity in divorce, I find the articles about the negative effects of divorce more realistic. I agree with Dr. Shoshana Bennett’s claims that children benefit from divorce because they learn to avoid and escape toxic situations and are happier when their parents are happier. I disagree with Bennett’s assertions that children are pleased when a parent finds a new partner, and that both parents provide nurture and financial stability after divorce. I agree with Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. Lilienfeld that the parents’ relationship and behavior towards each other affects how the children are impacted by divorce, but I disagree that children of divorce struggle with forming and sustaining relationships in adulthood. Rather, they learn what characteristics to refrain from when searching for their spouse.

I completely agree with both authors who argue that divorce has negative effects on children. I concur with Ilana Simons that children can be confused and overwhelmed from having different rules and structures with each parent, and I support her claim that children have a fear of upsetting one parent if they enjoy time with the other. I also agree with Carl E. Pickhardt’s opinion that children become more dependent on their parents and adolescence become more independent. Overall, I believe divorce has more negative effects on children than positive. To conclude, families’ relationships and situations before the divorce, and how each parent behaves post-divorce, are extremely correlated with how children are affected.

Links to sources:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/18/divorce-and-kids-5-ways-d_n_1519485.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-literary-mind/200907/children-divorce-are-good-actors

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201112/the-impact-divorce-young-children-and-adolescents

--Original published at Max'sPHY105blog

Divorce is a highly debated issue that is becoming more common. Many people feel that divorce overall is not a good thing. Yet there are some people who feel that sometimes, divorce is a good thing. Married couples who consider divorcing commonly look into how divorce can have a good or bad effect on their children. There are a number of psychological studies devoted to answering these questions.

One such article that argues divorce is a bad thing for children is, “When and Why Divorce Hurts Kids,” by Harry Benson. This article is a reliable source because it explains why and how divorce hurts kids and backs its claims up with reasons and examples. One of the things it mentions is that children loosed financial resources and social support. When parents divorce, their children are left to stay with only one of their parents  (usually the mother). Most single parents are forced to use government benefits to afford to homes as the total family income is split. This causes parents to have less time to have negative repercussions for their children. This causes children to have less parental influences growing up, which can cause them to not be successful in life. Harry also mentions that children of divorced parents often perceive the divorce different from how the parents perceive it. The children often are unsure of why their parents divorced and sometimes blame themselves for it. As a result, these children struggle with anxiety and depression.

Another article that argues divorce is bad for children is, “How Divorce Affects Children,” by Robert E. Emery. This article is a reliable source because it explains its reasons for why divorce hurts children and references other studies about divorce to support its claims. In this article, Robert argues that divorce is stressful for children of the divorcing couple for various reasons. One of these reasons that the relationships between parents and there children becomes strain. Divorce causes children to loose one parent which is usually the father. There is also increased conflict with the parent the child still lives with as tensions build up from anger resulting from the divorce. Robert also mentions that children of divorced parents often suffer from psychological and behavioral problems. They break rules, often get angry, or become sad for long periods of time. Some kids even suffer from depression. Finally, Robert explains that divorce gives children painful memories and ongoing worries about their relationships with their parents. Robert backs this up with certain responses people gave about their parents divorce if they did this. They are mostly negative toward their parent’s divorce. Some said that their childhood was cut short because of the divorce. Others said they missed their father. Others admitted that they would be a different person than they currently are if their parents had not divorced.

Although divorce has strong disadvantages on children, sometimes it is necessary. An article that explains why this can be true is, “Why a Good Divorce is Better than a Bad Marriage for Kids.” While it admits that divorce is difficult for children, this article argues that divorce is better for children than remaining in a strained marriage. This article is credible because it addresses reasons divorce is hard on children and gives counter arguments toward these reasons. The article explains how an strained marriage exposes children to daily arguments, shouting, and sometimes violence among their parents. Children in these situation deal with continuous cycles of disputes, sadness, or hate. Such an environment is not nurturing or loving. Divorce might be hard on children, but they can still be loved and nurtured by their parent. This is better than living with arguing parents with no love or support. The article goes on to explain other benefits children receive from a good divorce. It mention that two separate homes without fighting is better then one home with fighting because, two homes without fighting allows kids to be themselves without having to work around negative emotions. It also explained that happy parents are better parents because they create happy environments that is best for children. Finally, the article explains how divorce can discipline children work through harder times. Children with divorce parents can learn how to handle such a hard situation and can allow them to be better prepared for hard situation in their future.

Another article that argues that children do not always suffer from divorce is, “5 Reasons Divorce is Good for Kids,” by Michele Zipp. This is a credible article because it uses results found in studies to support its claims. Michele also explains that divorce is better than a bad marriage, even for kids. She mentions that from a divorce, children learn that there are some problems in life that cannot be fixed. They learn this through the example of their parents being unable to resolve whatever conflicts they have. Michele also explains how divorce can lead to greater involvement from each parent. If parents split up, they often try to make time to spend with their children, which can sometimes cause parents to spend more time with their children than before. Even if this is not the case, research shows that the amount of time children spend with their parents has little effect with how they turn out in the future, so split custody does not harm children. Finally, Michele explains how divorce can build communication skills for parents and children. There is a lot to keep track of with children. These things include sport events, club meetings, lessons, and more. When children live with one parent who must keep track of these things, their is more need for communication in the household, as children must remind their parents of such events.

There are varying opinions about divorce. Most people believe that divorce is bad for children entirely. Other people feel that children can come through a divorce without serious consequences. Based on my reading of the four articles I mentioned, I agree that divorce is inherently harmful for children because they loose social and financial support living with only one working parent who often struggles to support the children. However, I am convinced that divorce is better for children than a strained marriage because such a marriage does not give children love and nourishment with certainly will not benefit them in the future. Divorce is hard for children, but if they are still receiving love and nourishment they still have a chance to be successful in life.

Benson, Harry. “When, and Why, Divorce Hurts Kids.” Ifstudies, 16 Sept. 2014, https://ifstudies.org/blog/when-and-why-divorce-hurts-kids.

Emery, Robert. “How Divorce Affects Children.” Emery About Children and Divorce, 2018, http://emeryondivorce.com/how_divorce_affects_children.php.

“Why a Good Divorce is Better Than a Bad Marriage for Kids.” Statefarm, https://www.statefarm.com/simple-insights/family/why-a-good-divorce-is-better-than-a-bad-marriage-for-kids. Accessed 21 Feb. 2018.

Zipp, Michele. “5 Reasons Divorce is Good for Kids.” Cafemom, 6 May 2015, http://thestir.cafemom.com/being_a_mom/185137/5_reasons_divorce_is_good.

--Original published at KatiesPerspectives

Much research has been done in regards to the debate about divorce and whether or not it negatively impacts any children who came from the split marriage. Some sources say that raising children in a tense household does not significantly impact the children that witness it first-hand.  Others argue that bringing up a child in an unhealthy environment where parents are always fighting could potentially mentally burden the child. Divorce is no doubt very painful for kids and to stay in an abusive and unhealthy marriage is also not a very good environment to bring up kids. So brings about the question of ethicalness – would it be better to stay in an unhealthy relationship out of concern for your children who now must fend for themselves in an unstable family system? Research says that there are pros and cons to both sides of the argument.

Some negative impacts that might come of a divorce could be weakened parent-child relationships, weakened grandparent-grandchild relationships, a decreased ability to handle conflict, a child’s diminished social skills, and a slew of behavioral problems. According to Patrick F. Fagan an Aaron Churchill of the Marriage & Religion Research Institute, children also have a greater likelihood to leave home early, increased trouble in romantic relationships, a diminished attitude towards religious practices, increased crime rate, abusive and neglect, and use of drugs, and financial struggles later in life. Along with all of these potential problems, there could be a number of negative behaviors at school. One study found that in pre-disrupted families (whose parents’ relationship would later dissolve), children exhibit more academic, psychological, behavioral, and drug-related problems than those whose families remained intact. Daniel Potter, who was referenced in the same article listed above, found that the deleterious effect of divorce on children’s psychosocial well-being is an important factor in poor math and reading scores. Another study found that children whose parents divorced skipped nearly 60% more class periods than children from families that were still very much intact. As far as gender goes for this study, girls seemed to be more effected than boys. Finally, children who experienced their parents’ divorce or separation are less likely to complete high school. A study that was conducted in Australia found that children of divorced families are 26% more likely to drop out of secondary school than children who come from families that are still intact. This same study also found that remarriage did not alleviate the effects of divorce on the children’s educational attainment and likely wouldn’t have affected the outcomes of this study.

While there are many negatives to divorce, knowing some of the positives might shock you and make you change your view on divorce all together. For some families, the problem is simple – being under one roof simply doesn’t work. For children, divorce can feel like a relief especially is the parents have been open and vocal about how they feel about their problems and each other in front of their children. Divorce can actually be a positive thing when the marriage is a high conflict one and the children are all caught in the middle, constantly exposed to emotional abuse and/or violence within the home. Few divorces are friendly but once the household situation is diffused by a family breakup, the children can greatly benefit from no longer having to live within the terrible situation that has become their new normal within the home. Although children will no longer have the same relationship with both of their parents simultaneously again, children who have gone through a divorce can reap the benefits of being able to spend one on one time with each parent. Despite the difficulties that came of the divorce, one on one time is a great bonding opportunity for both parents and children. Even though the quantity of time might not be the same, the quality of time together may be significantly increased. Another benefit of living in two locations, children splitting their time at mom and dad’s house, it that they might be introduced to new faces and have the opportunity to meet new kids their age. According to SurvivingDivorce UK (from pain to possibility) divorce is known to strengthen children by forcing them to take on more mature roles and develop a wider point of view at a younger age.

Being brought up in what some people might call a “broken home,” is not something that one might be thankful for, but I can certainly say that it helped me grow as a person. In my opinion, parents have a responsibility to their children to be civil with each other even after they’ve broken up. Children need good parenting and it may be that they haven’t had any since the marriage started falling apart. Being a middle child of 3 girls, I was sometimes reminded that the divorce brought out the best in us especially when we got older. I noticed my older sister being more mindfully compassionate towards me, and I looking out more for my younger sister. Despite the divorce, all of our strengths were brought out and our maturity was forced to sky rocket. Divorce can be a very positive thing but I do believe it all comes down to the parents to make it that way.

Sources:

https://www.extension.purdue.edu/providerparent/family-child%20relationships/effectdivorce.htm

http://survivingdivorce.co.uk/8-ways-your-cht-from-divorce/

https://downloads.frc.org/EF/EF12A22.pdf

http://www.medindia.net/patients/lifestyleandwellness/divorce-pros-and-cons.htm

--Original published at marybraun99

About 1.5 million children suffer each year from parents getting a divorce. Every year that number seems to  become higher and higher. For many parents they just seem to give up on their relationship, and it results in a divorce. In my family it is extremely controversial as they are so old school, so when my aunt cheated on my uncle and they got a divorce, leaving a stranded 9 year old behind, it felt like his world was crashing, and we all questioned whether this would be better or worse for the child growing up.

Does getting a divorce harm the child or have virtually no effect on the child growing up, and their psyche as they are maturing, and have to go back and fourth between houses? Some people argue that divorce can not result in a happy, healthy child, while others argue that the child can grow up with no psychological issues.

The first article is written recently in 2013 by Scientific American states that children usually feel as though their world is falling apart after a divorce occurs, children tend to adjust fairly well in the years following the divorce. A study followed children of divorce from childhood, to adolescence. It looked over their habits, emotional and behavioral problems, along with social relationships. On average there was almost no difference between children of divorce and children who’s parents stay together. Later in the article it states that many children don’t face divorce-related problems, especially if they lived in a high conflict household before they were told about the divorce. However, if the couple seemed happy, and the child was told about divorce, they were often terrified and surprised, leading to a more difficult time adjusting. Overall, it states that many children adjust well after divorce and lead a happy, healthy life and relationships.

The second article I found that supports that children of divorce can adjust well is a post from thehuffingtonpost, written by Brette Sember, lists a few of the reasons in bold, and explains the reasons why children of divorce do better than children who are constantly exposed to an extremely unhappy marriage. The first example on this list explains two homes that are not constantly filled with arguments. This can benefit a child because they do not have to constantly be exposed to the negativity, and emotional drain that being stuck in the middle of your family constantly arguing brings about. There is a calmer emotional baseline, as well as happy parents, and being exposed to parents co-parenting them, and working together effectively can help the child to learn that compromise is a valuable skill to have in life.  It also states that parents who choose personal happiness are teaching their children to do the same, and to never settle for less than they are truly happy with. This is important, however, I do not think that most children view it this way, as many children see it as nobody, not even their own parents, could be happy together, and it makes them believe less and less in love.

A post written in Psychology today by Jann Gumbiner states that she is a child of divorce and it hurts children no matter what. Children of divorce, especially those of low conflict (about half of those who get divorced) think that it is their fault. No matter what they do, it is their fault. She states that most children lose their motivation in school, and their grades start to suffer, especially right after the divorce. Eventually they can learn to deal with the suffrage, but for a while they are extremely unmotivated. She states that during her teenage years she become very promiscuous because she did not have the constant love and affection from her dad, which is often the case with divorced parents. Often, no matter how qualified the father is, the mother gains primary custody of the child, and the child begins to rarely see their father, leading to a lack of love. She also states that it has affects on child from being in and out of court so many times, and that many children who have dealt with their parents being divorced are more likely to get divorced in the future, because they were already exposed to “giving up” and not working through their problems. Also, she states that fathers are more likely to take in their future wife’s children more so than their own children, which leaves the biological child very much so out of the loop, which is devastating to the child. Overall, she states that it has a long term effect on children, no matter the circumstances.

The last article that I’ve looked into is from a website FocusOnTheFamily, and the article was written by Amy Desai. She states that research before hand was “Happy parents, happy child” that divorce had virtually no affect on the children, however more recent research states that the children suffer from divorce, more so than parents are willing to admit. Children believe that parents should be able to work through anything, no matter the issue, so when they are told their parents are splitting up, they do not understand, and they blame themselves. Many stats say that they will suffer academically, and behaviorally, which is in contrast to the first article that states that there is no consequence from divorced/ parents who are together. They are less likely to graduate high school ( as divorce is becoming more common, it is more appropriate to say they will graduate, but with lower than average scores). Teens from divorced parents are more likely to engage in drugs and alcohol, and sex at a younger age. She states that the the emotional scars from divorce will leave psychological scars, along with emotional issues that will follow them into adulthood. Parents also tend to focus more on their own happiness, rather than their child’s needs, which hurts the child in the long run, because they will not understand that they are important. They are more likely to be in competition for their parents love, especially if the parents start to date, or the father is not in the picture anymore. The time is no longer focused on the children and making them happy, but rather just making themselves happy. Many fathers do ‘adopt’ a new family, creating the child of divorce to be seen as no longer good enough, as they no longer have their fathers love. She also states that it is not an easy out, and is often more complicated than salvaging the marriage.

Overall, I would have to agree that divorce is a hard time for children that often times leads to horrible emotional scars, and trust issues. Especially if the family did not constantly argue, but they were just giving up on their marriage. It is true in a lot of cases that the parents tend to focus on themselves and their own happiness rather than their child’s. My aunt and uncle who have just gotten a divorce are focusing on themselves and often times don’t even see their child for days or weeks at a time because they are too focused with their new life. My aunt, who remarried, now leaves her child in the custody of her new neighbors, or at a daycare, to go on dates and vacations with her new husband. Children of divorce often do a have a harder time coping without both parents than we are willing to admit. Many people that are getting divorced, it is because they do not think they love each other anymore, however, they are just not focusing on their own needs, but their child, if they split the time between themselves and their child, they could salvage their marriage and lead a happy, loving, stable household. It is much like when they divorce they seem happier because they are spending the time on themselves, rather than their children.

Now, sometimes divorce is inevitable and it still leaves scars for the children, but sometimes it is in the best interest of both parties and the child if the parents separate, however, I personally believe that parents should stay together and work through their issues. My parents constantly argued and fought horribly as I was growing up, and my sister got the same anger and fought with my parents to let out her anger. She is a junior in college now, and I am a freshman in college, and our household gets kind of hostile when we go home for breaks, however, my parents together have had the time to bond, and work out their issues since they now have the time to focus on themselves rather than constantly focusing on us being home, and they are a lot happier when they are alone and do not have the constant arguing and tension like they used to have, the tension that used to always make me believe I would wake up one morning to my dad gone (once again) and he just wouldn’t come back this time.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/brette-sember/why-a-good-divorce-is-better-than-a-bad-marriage-for-kids_b_6925236.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-teenage-mind/201110/divorce-hurts-children-even-grown-ones

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/should-i-get-a-divorce/how-could-divorce-affect-my-kids

--Original published at JanellesCollegeBlog

Divorce is an awful occurrence for anyone in life, and before getting a divorce, couples should think long and hard about the consequences that their actions will have on everyone involved including children. Researchers have been back and forth about whether children from divorced parents will ultimately be okay in life or if they will suffer behavioral and developmental consequences throughout the remainder of their lives.

The first article that I found discussed the negative impacts that divorce can have on children who experience them. The author highlights four impacts that the divorce can have on children including difficulty coping, trouble with schoolwork, dealing with changes, and having a perceived loss of a parent. Children often have difficulty adjusting to different changes and experiences in their lives after the divorce. The author also states that children often blame their parents because they are egocentric and cannot take the parent’s point of view, but other children feel that it is their responsibility to bring their parents back together. The article also states that children often feel more stress with having to manage between two different parents and homes which can lead to diminished productivity in school work. Finally, the author says that children often feel a long-term sense of guilt because in cases with split custody, they often spend more time with one parent than the other. This article and author are credible in my opinion because for every negative effect that she presents, she mentions and cites credible research studies that were done to prove those points.

The next article also talks about the long-standing negative effects that divorce can have on children. Much like how the last source was credible, this source is also credible because each effect talked about includes studies that were done to support their stance. The effects that this article presents are divorce increasing smoking habits, Ritalin use, poor math and social skills, susceptibility to sickness, likelihood of dropping out of school, crime, risk of stroke, chances of getting a divorce, and early death. The author states that most of these effects like susceptibility to sickness and risk of stroke are caused by the increased levels of stress that a divorce puts on a child. The article states that the children of divorced parents are more likely to develop anxiety, stress, and low levels of self-esteem and the younger a child is at the time the divorce occurs, the more heightened the negative effects may be.

The third article takes the opposite view point in this case by stating that ultimately children of divorce although hurt at the time adjust well to it and have no main negative effects for their futures. The article states that in the beginning of the divorce, children may experience anger, anxiety, shock, and disbelief, but they ultimately recover and adjust to the idea of their parents living separately. The authors acknowledge that there may be short term harm for children, but they continue to live a good life with little impact later on. Overall, children of divorced parents may actually be more likely to deal with harder challenges in their future than those who come from a family with stable parents. This source is credible because the authors present factual results that support their argument from actual scientific studies. These studies provide credibility to the authors and the point they are trying to make. Also in the article, they provide points from the counterargument that divorce is bad for children, and refute these findings. This makes them credible because it shows that they do not have one-sided bias and are able to respect and acknowledge the other side, while disagreeing at the same time. Finally, the authors are credible because at the end of the article, it states that they are both psychology professors at separate universities.

The last article also takes the stance on the issue that children of divorced parents ultimately end up doing well in life and are well adjusted as adults. Like the other articles, the author of this article cites other sources and studies to provide facts for her argument. For example, she cites a study that shows that 80% of children from divorced parents showed no long term effects from the major change in their later life. These additional sources make the author and the article more credible. The author is also credible because she has been through her own divorce with children, and this gives her a different personal perspective on the topic that the other authors did not have. She has seen this experience play out in front of her eyes. In the article, she argues that sometimes, it is worse for parents to stay in a hurtful marriage. She says that if the marriage is abusive, this could be worse for children down the road because they see and accept the abuse as something that just happens in life. This causes them to be more likely to get involved in abusive relationships when they are older. Also, she says that what children need are two parents who get along not two parents who necessarily live together, parents who are established in their own lives so that they can focus on their children, and the basic necessities of food, water, shelter, and social support. Divorced parents can provide these for their children, without having to be together.

In my opinion, I think that parents should try to stay together as much as they can unless it gets to a desperate point where it becomes abusive. Everyone argues and fights, but I think parents who can work together and work through problems and challenges can ultimately provide good supportive role models for their kids. I think that divorce can have major effects in a child’s life for the short term, but for the long term children will  be okay. Divorce should only be used though in the last ditch effort if everything else does not work, but if a divorce does have to occur, parents should be upright with their children and explain and talk to them through the whole process instead of keeping them in the dark. This is the best way to ensure that the children understand what is happening and will not experience anything traumatic that could affect them psychologically or physiologically in the future.

Article links:

1. https://oureverydaylife.com/negative-impact-divorce-can-leave-children-12597.html
2. http://theweek.com/articles/466107/9-negative-effects-divorce-reportedly-children
3. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/
4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/splitopia/201503/yes-you-can-raise-happy-children-after-divorce

--Original published at Nadia's Blog

In today’s society the divorce rate has increased immensely. Over time it has become a more controversial topic because some may believe that it is the best and most viable option, while others may believe there are better ways to solve relationship problems. The effect of divorce on children has started to be observed, and both the positive and negative aspects have been addressed.

In a recent article, Sol R. Rappaport discussed that although initially children may seem unstable after their parents’ divorce, their difficulties decrease, and are able to better handle high-conflict issues later in life. In certain situations, divorce may be the better option, if it is able to reduce stress in the family’s home which allows the children to be better adjusted to their home lives. Rappaport also stated that there is no evident difference in children’s emotions or behaviors if their parents are divorced or from their peers whose parents are still married. He also mentions that the 25% of children who do have difficulties after divorce is not the divorce itself but the factors related to divorce. He also mentions that divorce is a painful memory and experience and may be impacted, but so is losing a parent. Neither of these events should mean that an individual will grow up with psychological disorders. His largest point was that divorce does not have a direct effect on children but there are contributing factors. Every situation is different and it depends on the level of conflict, the mental health of the parents, the involvement of the caregiver, and the financial impact and the child’s perception. Overall he discovered that 75 – 80% of individuals do not have significant psychological difficulties. This information was collected from a scholarly journal database and was written by a well-educated clinical psychologist.

Similarly Dr. Shoshana Bennett wrote an article about the positive impact a divorce can have on children. She wrote an article for Huffpost, she used her knowledge in psychology as a psychologist aided her in her research of this topic. She explains how if the parents are happier as individuals, this will make the children happier. If the couple is not happy with one another this could give reason for the children to be upset and sad too. By eliminating the negativity and sadness, this allows the children to live more positively. She also discusses that getting rid of the tension in the air will completely change the child’s behavior for the better. Bennett also explained how some individuals believe that they should stay in a toxic relationship in order to keep their children happy. She rejects this theory and explains that it is better to remove yourself from that situation so that the child can realize that they deserve a healthy and supportive relationship. Lastly, she explains how it is important for your child to see you happy and healthy which will impact your child’s life immensely.

In another perspective, and most commonly thought, individuals like Keenan M. believe that divorce can have a negative impact on children’s lives. Divorce can cause pain, loneliness, and anxiety. The beginning may be an adjustment period, but for many this can because long term affects. He explains how for younger children and toddlers, they tend to feel abandoned or confused and will later have separation anxiety. For teens, they may feel angry and distance themselves from their family which leads to them reckless actions like skipping school, experimenting with drugs and alcohol and committing crimes. This is also problematic when there is ongoing conflict in the household causing children to have a more difficult time at home. This is because children do better with a routine rather than a constant back and forth between homes and different schedules. The information written by the author seems to be credible because the article was published on an online database with scholarly articles.

In a similar study, the author described the effects of divorce on older children and how they’ve been affected in the long term. The author explained a situation where divorce heavily impacted younger adults and composed it into a scholarly article. The author explained that older children might feel abandoned or betrayed since they had no expected this outcome. It may seem that older children can cope better with the divorce but in reality they are blocking it out but are really being impacted by it. Divorce has also caused an issue with older children because they often get in the middle of the situation and serve as the mediator or have to start taking on parental control. One of the effects on children the author mentions is that they have to plan a family event which is a great burden since they are not used to this additional stress. The most significant effect is that when children witness a failure of their parents’ marriage they question their own relationships and are afraid of commitment.

Collectively I believe that divorce can play a major role in a child’s life and can negatively impact a child however it may not be as extreme in certain cases. A child who has witnessed their parents’ divorce have observed many negative aspects. In most cases the child will be stuck in the middle or have to choose a side which adds additional stress. Additionally, a child bears a lot of pain during this time and in some cases this feeling could worsen. One of the largest points is that when a child has to go through the pain of their parents’ divorce, they tend to lose hope in marriage. They also become less confident in themselves and are afraid of commitment which could prohibit them from getting into a relationship or not take them seriously.

http://eds.b.ebscohost.com/eds/detail/detail?vid=4&sid=a1f9bfe3-437a-4b8e-bb01-9f51227c32b0%40sessionmgr101&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=sih&AN=102824280

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/18/divorce-and-kids-5-ways-d_n_1519485.html

http://eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/detail/detail?vid=1&sid=40741530-52ba-4518-9b86-ec447e900bf1%40sessionmgr4010&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#AN=98402248&db=ers

http://eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=7&sid=40741530-52ba-4518-9b86-ec447e900bf1%40sessionmgr4010