--Original published at KatiesPerspectives

Much research has been done in regards to the debate about divorce and whether or not it negatively impacts any children who came from the split marriage. Some sources say that raising children in a tense household does not significantly impact the children that witness it first-hand.  Others argue that bringing up a child in an unhealthy environment where parents are always fighting could potentially mentally burden the child. Divorce is no doubt very painful for kids and to stay in an abusive and unhealthy marriage is also not a very good environment to bring up kids. So brings about the question of ethicalness – would it be better to stay in an unhealthy relationship out of concern for your children who now must fend for themselves in an unstable family system? Research says that there are pros and cons to both sides of the argument.

Some negative impacts that might come of a divorce could be weakened parent-child relationships, weakened grandparent-grandchild relationships, a decreased ability to handle conflict, a child’s diminished social skills, and a slew of behavioral problems. According to Patrick F. Fagan an Aaron Churchill of the Marriage & Religion Research Institute, children also have a greater likelihood to leave home early, increased trouble in romantic relationships, a diminished attitude towards religious practices, increased crime rate, abusive and neglect, and use of drugs, and financial struggles later in life. Along with all of these potential problems, there could be a number of negative behaviors at school. One study found that in pre-disrupted families (whose parents’ relationship would later dissolve), children exhibit more academic, psychological, behavioral, and drug-related problems than those whose families remained intact. Daniel Potter, who was referenced in the same article listed above, found that the deleterious effect of divorce on children’s psychosocial well-being is an important factor in poor math and reading scores. Another study found that children whose parents divorced skipped nearly 60% more class periods than children from families that were still very much intact. As far as gender goes for this study, girls seemed to be more effected than boys. Finally, children who experienced their parents’ divorce or separation are less likely to complete high school. A study that was conducted in Australia found that children of divorced families are 26% more likely to drop out of secondary school than children who come from families that are still intact. This same study also found that remarriage did not alleviate the effects of divorce on the children’s educational attainment and likely wouldn’t have affected the outcomes of this study.

While there are many negatives to divorce, knowing some of the positives might shock you and make you change your view on divorce all together. For some families, the problem is simple – being under one roof simply doesn’t work. For children, divorce can feel like a relief especially is the parents have been open and vocal about how they feel about their problems and each other in front of their children. Divorce can actually be a positive thing when the marriage is a high conflict one and the children are all caught in the middle, constantly exposed to emotional abuse and/or violence within the home. Few divorces are friendly but once the household situation is diffused by a family breakup, the children can greatly benefit from no longer having to live within the terrible situation that has become their new normal within the home. Although children will no longer have the same relationship with both of their parents simultaneously again, children who have gone through a divorce can reap the benefits of being able to spend one on one time with each parent. Despite the difficulties that came of the divorce, one on one time is a great bonding opportunity for both parents and children. Even though the quantity of time might not be the same, the quality of time together may be significantly increased. Another benefit of living in two locations, children splitting their time at mom and dad’s house, it that they might be introduced to new faces and have the opportunity to meet new kids their age. According to SurvivingDivorce UK (from pain to possibility) divorce is known to strengthen children by forcing them to take on more mature roles and develop a wider point of view at a younger age.

Being brought up in what some people might call a “broken home,” is not something that one might be thankful for, but I can certainly say that it helped me grow as a person. In my opinion, parents have a responsibility to their children to be civil with each other even after they’ve broken up. Children need good parenting and it may be that they haven’t had any since the marriage started falling apart. Being a middle child of 3 girls, I was sometimes reminded that the divorce brought out the best in us especially when we got older. I noticed my older sister being more mindfully compassionate towards me, and I looking out more for my younger sister. Despite the divorce, all of our strengths were brought out and our maturity was forced to sky rocket. Divorce can be a very positive thing but I do believe it all comes down to the parents to make it that way.

Sources:

https://www.extension.purdue.edu/providerparent/family-child%20relationships/effectdivorce.htm

http://survivingdivorce.co.uk/8-ways-your-cht-from-divorce/

https://downloads.frc.org/EF/EF12A22.pdf

http://www.medindia.net/patients/lifestyleandwellness/divorce-pros-and-cons.htm

--Original published at marybraun99

About 1.5 million children suffer each year from parents getting a divorce. Every year that number seems to  become higher and higher. For many parents they just seem to give up on their relationship, and it results in a divorce. In my family it is extremely controversial as they are so old school, so when my aunt cheated on my uncle and they got a divorce, leaving a stranded 9 year old behind, it felt like his world was crashing, and we all questioned whether this would be better or worse for the child growing up.

Does getting a divorce harm the child or have virtually no effect on the child growing up, and their psyche as they are maturing, and have to go back and fourth between houses? Some people argue that divorce can not result in a happy, healthy child, while others argue that the child can grow up with no psychological issues.

The first article is written recently in 2013 by Scientific American states that children usually feel as though their world is falling apart after a divorce occurs, children tend to adjust fairly well in the years following the divorce. A study followed children of divorce from childhood, to adolescence. It looked over their habits, emotional and behavioral problems, along with social relationships. On average there was almost no difference between children of divorce and children who’s parents stay together. Later in the article it states that many children don’t face divorce-related problems, especially if they lived in a high conflict household before they were told about the divorce. However, if the couple seemed happy, and the child was told about divorce, they were often terrified and surprised, leading to a more difficult time adjusting. Overall, it states that many children adjust well after divorce and lead a happy, healthy life and relationships.

The second article I found that supports that children of divorce can adjust well is a post from thehuffingtonpost, written by Brette Sember, lists a few of the reasons in bold, and explains the reasons why children of divorce do better than children who are constantly exposed to an extremely unhappy marriage. The first example on this list explains two homes that are not constantly filled with arguments. This can benefit a child because they do not have to constantly be exposed to the negativity, and emotional drain that being stuck in the middle of your family constantly arguing brings about. There is a calmer emotional baseline, as well as happy parents, and being exposed to parents co-parenting them, and working together effectively can help the child to learn that compromise is a valuable skill to have in life.  It also states that parents who choose personal happiness are teaching their children to do the same, and to never settle for less than they are truly happy with. This is important, however, I do not think that most children view it this way, as many children see it as nobody, not even their own parents, could be happy together, and it makes them believe less and less in love.

A post written in Psychology today by Jann Gumbiner states that she is a child of divorce and it hurts children no matter what. Children of divorce, especially those of low conflict (about half of those who get divorced) think that it is their fault. No matter what they do, it is their fault. She states that most children lose their motivation in school, and their grades start to suffer, especially right after the divorce. Eventually they can learn to deal with the suffrage, but for a while they are extremely unmotivated. She states that during her teenage years she become very promiscuous because she did not have the constant love and affection from her dad, which is often the case with divorced parents. Often, no matter how qualified the father is, the mother gains primary custody of the child, and the child begins to rarely see their father, leading to a lack of love. She also states that it has affects on child from being in and out of court so many times, and that many children who have dealt with their parents being divorced are more likely to get divorced in the future, because they were already exposed to “giving up” and not working through their problems. Also, she states that fathers are more likely to take in their future wife’s children more so than their own children, which leaves the biological child very much so out of the loop, which is devastating to the child. Overall, she states that it has a long term effect on children, no matter the circumstances.

The last article that I’ve looked into is from a website FocusOnTheFamily, and the article was written by Amy Desai. She states that research before hand was “Happy parents, happy child” that divorce had virtually no affect on the children, however more recent research states that the children suffer from divorce, more so than parents are willing to admit. Children believe that parents should be able to work through anything, no matter the issue, so when they are told their parents are splitting up, they do not understand, and they blame themselves. Many stats say that they will suffer academically, and behaviorally, which is in contrast to the first article that states that there is no consequence from divorced/ parents who are together. They are less likely to graduate high school ( as divorce is becoming more common, it is more appropriate to say they will graduate, but with lower than average scores). Teens from divorced parents are more likely to engage in drugs and alcohol, and sex at a younger age. She states that the the emotional scars from divorce will leave psychological scars, along with emotional issues that will follow them into adulthood. Parents also tend to focus more on their own happiness, rather than their child’s needs, which hurts the child in the long run, because they will not understand that they are important. They are more likely to be in competition for their parents love, especially if the parents start to date, or the father is not in the picture anymore. The time is no longer focused on the children and making them happy, but rather just making themselves happy. Many fathers do ‘adopt’ a new family, creating the child of divorce to be seen as no longer good enough, as they no longer have their fathers love. She also states that it is not an easy out, and is often more complicated than salvaging the marriage.

Overall, I would have to agree that divorce is a hard time for children that often times leads to horrible emotional scars, and trust issues. Especially if the family did not constantly argue, but they were just giving up on their marriage. It is true in a lot of cases that the parents tend to focus on themselves and their own happiness rather than their child’s. My aunt and uncle who have just gotten a divorce are focusing on themselves and often times don’t even see their child for days or weeks at a time because they are too focused with their new life. My aunt, who remarried, now leaves her child in the custody of her new neighbors, or at a daycare, to go on dates and vacations with her new husband. Children of divorce often do a have a harder time coping without both parents than we are willing to admit. Many people that are getting divorced, it is because they do not think they love each other anymore, however, they are just not focusing on their own needs, but their child, if they split the time between themselves and their child, they could salvage their marriage and lead a happy, loving, stable household. It is much like when they divorce they seem happier because they are spending the time on themselves, rather than their children.

Now, sometimes divorce is inevitable and it still leaves scars for the children, but sometimes it is in the best interest of both parties and the child if the parents separate, however, I personally believe that parents should stay together and work through their issues. My parents constantly argued and fought horribly as I was growing up, and my sister got the same anger and fought with my parents to let out her anger. She is a junior in college now, and I am a freshman in college, and our household gets kind of hostile when we go home for breaks, however, my parents together have had the time to bond, and work out their issues since they now have the time to focus on themselves rather than constantly focusing on us being home, and they are a lot happier when they are alone and do not have the constant arguing and tension like they used to have, the tension that used to always make me believe I would wake up one morning to my dad gone (once again) and he just wouldn’t come back this time.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/brette-sember/why-a-good-divorce-is-better-than-a-bad-marriage-for-kids_b_6925236.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-teenage-mind/201110/divorce-hurts-children-even-grown-ones

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/should-i-get-a-divorce/how-could-divorce-affect-my-kids

--Original published at JanellesCollegeBlog

Divorce is an awful occurrence for anyone in life, and before getting a divorce, couples should think long and hard about the consequences that their actions will have on everyone involved including children. Researchers have been back and forth about whether children from divorced parents will ultimately be okay in life or if they will suffer behavioral and developmental consequences throughout the remainder of their lives.

The first article that I found discussed the negative impacts that divorce can have on children who experience them. The author highlights four impacts that the divorce can have on children including difficulty coping, trouble with schoolwork, dealing with changes, and having a perceived loss of a parent. Children often have difficulty adjusting to different changes and experiences in their lives after the divorce. The author also states that children often blame their parents because they are egocentric and cannot take the parent’s point of view, but other children feel that it is their responsibility to bring their parents back together. The article also states that children often feel more stress with having to manage between two different parents and homes which can lead to diminished productivity in school work. Finally, the author says that children often feel a long-term sense of guilt because in cases with split custody, they often spend more time with one parent than the other. This article and author are credible in my opinion because for every negative effect that she presents, she mentions and cites credible research studies that were done to prove those points.

The next article also talks about the long-standing negative effects that divorce can have on children. Much like how the last source was credible, this source is also credible because each effect talked about includes studies that were done to support their stance. The effects that this article presents are divorce increasing smoking habits, Ritalin use, poor math and social skills, susceptibility to sickness, likelihood of dropping out of school, crime, risk of stroke, chances of getting a divorce, and early death. The author states that most of these effects like susceptibility to sickness and risk of stroke are caused by the increased levels of stress that a divorce puts on a child. The article states that the children of divorced parents are more likely to develop anxiety, stress, and low levels of self-esteem and the younger a child is at the time the divorce occurs, the more heightened the negative effects may be.

The third article takes the opposite view point in this case by stating that ultimately children of divorce although hurt at the time adjust well to it and have no main negative effects for their futures. The article states that in the beginning of the divorce, children may experience anger, anxiety, shock, and disbelief, but they ultimately recover and adjust to the idea of their parents living separately. The authors acknowledge that there may be short term harm for children, but they continue to live a good life with little impact later on. Overall, children of divorced parents may actually be more likely to deal with harder challenges in their future than those who come from a family with stable parents. This source is credible because the authors present factual results that support their argument from actual scientific studies. These studies provide credibility to the authors and the point they are trying to make. Also in the article, they provide points from the counterargument that divorce is bad for children, and refute these findings. This makes them credible because it shows that they do not have one-sided bias and are able to respect and acknowledge the other side, while disagreeing at the same time. Finally, the authors are credible because at the end of the article, it states that they are both psychology professors at separate universities.

The last article also takes the stance on the issue that children of divorced parents ultimately end up doing well in life and are well adjusted as adults. Like the other articles, the author of this article cites other sources and studies to provide facts for her argument. For example, she cites a study that shows that 80% of children from divorced parents showed no long term effects from the major change in their later life. These additional sources make the author and the article more credible. The author is also credible because she has been through her own divorce with children, and this gives her a different personal perspective on the topic that the other authors did not have. She has seen this experience play out in front of her eyes. In the article, she argues that sometimes, it is worse for parents to stay in a hurtful marriage. She says that if the marriage is abusive, this could be worse for children down the road because they see and accept the abuse as something that just happens in life. This causes them to be more likely to get involved in abusive relationships when they are older. Also, she says that what children need are two parents who get along not two parents who necessarily live together, parents who are established in their own lives so that they can focus on their children, and the basic necessities of food, water, shelter, and social support. Divorced parents can provide these for their children, without having to be together.

In my opinion, I think that parents should try to stay together as much as they can unless it gets to a desperate point where it becomes abusive. Everyone argues and fights, but I think parents who can work together and work through problems and challenges can ultimately provide good supportive role models for their kids. I think that divorce can have major effects in a child’s life for the short term, but for the long term children will  be okay. Divorce should only be used though in the last ditch effort if everything else does not work, but if a divorce does have to occur, parents should be upright with their children and explain and talk to them through the whole process instead of keeping them in the dark. This is the best way to ensure that the children understand what is happening and will not experience anything traumatic that could affect them psychologically or physiologically in the future.

Article links:

1. https://oureverydaylife.com/negative-impact-divorce-can-leave-children-12597.html
2. http://theweek.com/articles/466107/9-negative-effects-divorce-reportedly-children
3. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/
4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/splitopia/201503/yes-you-can-raise-happy-children-after-divorce

--Original published at Nadia's Blog

In today’s society the divorce rate has increased immensely. Over time it has become a more controversial topic because some may believe that it is the best and most viable option, while others may believe there are better ways to solve relationship problems. The effect of divorce on children has started to be observed, and both the positive and negative aspects have been addressed.

In a recent article, Sol R. Rappaport discussed that although initially children may seem unstable after their parents’ divorce, their difficulties decrease, and are able to better handle high-conflict issues later in life. In certain situations, divorce may be the better option, if it is able to reduce stress in the family’s home which allows the children to be better adjusted to their home lives. Rappaport also stated that there is no evident difference in children’s emotions or behaviors if their parents are divorced or from their peers whose parents are still married. He also mentions that the 25% of children who do have difficulties after divorce is not the divorce itself but the factors related to divorce. He also mentions that divorce is a painful memory and experience and may be impacted, but so is losing a parent. Neither of these events should mean that an individual will grow up with psychological disorders. His largest point was that divorce does not have a direct effect on children but there are contributing factors. Every situation is different and it depends on the level of conflict, the mental health of the parents, the involvement of the caregiver, and the financial impact and the child’s perception. Overall he discovered that 75 – 80% of individuals do not have significant psychological difficulties. This information was collected from a scholarly journal database and was written by a well-educated clinical psychologist.

Similarly Dr. Shoshana Bennett wrote an article about the positive impact a divorce can have on children. She wrote an article for Huffpost, she used her knowledge in psychology as a psychologist aided her in her research of this topic. She explains how if the parents are happier as individuals, this will make the children happier. If the couple is not happy with one another this could give reason for the children to be upset and sad too. By eliminating the negativity and sadness, this allows the children to live more positively. She also discusses that getting rid of the tension in the air will completely change the child’s behavior for the better. Bennett also explained how some individuals believe that they should stay in a toxic relationship in order to keep their children happy. She rejects this theory and explains that it is better to remove yourself from that situation so that the child can realize that they deserve a healthy and supportive relationship. Lastly, she explains how it is important for your child to see you happy and healthy which will impact your child’s life immensely.

In another perspective, and most commonly thought, individuals like Keenan M. believe that divorce can have a negative impact on children’s lives. Divorce can cause pain, loneliness, and anxiety. The beginning may be an adjustment period, but for many this can because long term affects. He explains how for younger children and toddlers, they tend to feel abandoned or confused and will later have separation anxiety. For teens, they may feel angry and distance themselves from their family which leads to them reckless actions like skipping school, experimenting with drugs and alcohol and committing crimes. This is also problematic when there is ongoing conflict in the household causing children to have a more difficult time at home. This is because children do better with a routine rather than a constant back and forth between homes and different schedules. The information written by the author seems to be credible because the article was published on an online database with scholarly articles.

In a similar study, the author described the effects of divorce on older children and how they’ve been affected in the long term. The author explained a situation where divorce heavily impacted younger adults and composed it into a scholarly article. The author explained that older children might feel abandoned or betrayed since they had no expected this outcome. It may seem that older children can cope better with the divorce but in reality they are blocking it out but are really being impacted by it. Divorce has also caused an issue with older children because they often get in the middle of the situation and serve as the mediator or have to start taking on parental control. One of the effects on children the author mentions is that they have to plan a family event which is a great burden since they are not used to this additional stress. The most significant effect is that when children witness a failure of their parents’ marriage they question their own relationships and are afraid of commitment.

Collectively I believe that divorce can play a major role in a child’s life and can negatively impact a child however it may not be as extreme in certain cases. A child who has witnessed their parents’ divorce have observed many negative aspects. In most cases the child will be stuck in the middle or have to choose a side which adds additional stress. Additionally, a child bears a lot of pain during this time and in some cases this feeling could worsen. One of the largest points is that when a child has to go through the pain of their parents’ divorce, they tend to lose hope in marriage. They also become less confident in themselves and are afraid of commitment which could prohibit them from getting into a relationship or not take them seriously.

http://eds.b.ebscohost.com/eds/detail/detail?vid=4&sid=a1f9bfe3-437a-4b8e-bb01-9f51227c32b0%40sessionmgr101&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=sih&AN=102824280

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/18/divorce-and-kids-5-ways-d_n_1519485.html

http://eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/detail/detail?vid=1&sid=40741530-52ba-4518-9b86-ec447e900bf1%40sessionmgr4010&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#AN=98402248&db=ers

http://eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=7&sid=40741530-52ba-4518-9b86-ec447e900bf1%40sessionmgr4010